Thursday, October 06, 2005
You Want Truth? Here’s the Fucking Truth.
Joe Uncut. Yeah? Is that what you want? You want me to speak the way I feel? You want me to be as honest as I pretend to be? Well, fine. You’ve pushed me to the point at which I feel backed in the corner. To the point where I don’t feel figuratively alone, I feel fucking…alone.
Here it is.
This journal.
While I love having a readership…while I love having “friends” online…
How dare any of you ever leave me a comment judging me or telling me what I “should do”? How dare I take it so personally when someone like “Dawn” leaves me a comment telling me that my biggest issue with my brother and Mariah getting married is the fact that I’m “jealous”. Who the fuck are you? And how FUCKING pathetic do you have to be to comment on someone’s vulnerable post with something as BASE as “you’re jealous” and “need to find YOUR lifelong partner”. I don’t care who you are or what the fuck you represent…
As a human being, I would NEVER read a post like that and toss off a comment that is so fucking insensitive and rude. And you know what? Maybe that comment isn’t the big deal that it was to me…but maybe that comment is representative of the dozens of comments I get where people tell me that they know me better than I know myself. FUCK YOU. This is my fucking journal and how dare YOU tell ME where to go?
Go away. My sitemeter won’t bleed when you find something more productive to do.
My friends.
My fucking friends.
In no way am I suffering for friends. I’ve got a million of them. Some that I actually like in real life. And some that I would consider very close people that are detrimental to my existence. The reason these people are “detrimental” is because I need them and I trust them. In a city like NEW YORK, you NEED people you can trust. I’ve hand selected them and it SHAKES MY SHIT when I realize that I may have made some poor choices.
You don’t put in the time with me, yet you have no problem telling me that every choice I make is the wrong one. You don’t call me, yet when we finally do talk, you tell me that I’m not only abusing drugs, I’m abusing the people around me. FUCK. YOU.
I’ve spent the last 28 years trying to make people like me. And when I do ANYTHING that ruffles feathers, I spend weeks beating myself up about it. How dare I EVER have an opinion…because I would be mortified if you ever walked away from our conversation with anything, but confidence. Why should I have to WAIT for you to ask me for advice? You don’t when it comes to MY life.
I’m so angry right now.
Obviously.
But mostly, I’m disappointed.
I’m disappointed, because I’ve trusted all of you… ALL of you…with aspects of my life and you have taken the liberty to use it against me.
I know there are those of you out there that feel like you’ve done me right…and you know what? You have.
If you’re reading this and you DOUBT whether or not you have been a good friend to me…well then guess what? This journal entry is for you.
To those that I’ve trusted that have consistently shown me love…to those of you that have looked outside of yourself for even a minute…to those of you that I’ve counted on…
Thank you.
But to the rest of you.
To the world…
Say one more thing. Push me one more time. Prove to me that humanity is full of bullshit…and I swear. I swear to God above…
This Joe CuttheShit that cares SO much about everyone else is finally going to blow. And he’s going to fight back for once. He’s going to make sure that he hurts you as much or more than you’ve hurt him.
I’m tired of being a fucking pushover. You got something to say? Then you fucking say it. And let’s rock.
Or you walk away.
Cuz really…do think you know me enough to push me over this line? Do you?
It’s a risk I encourage you to leave behind.
Joe Uncut. Yeah? Is that what you want? You want me to speak the way I feel? You want me to be as honest as I pretend to be? Well, fine. You’ve pushed me to the point at which I feel backed in the corner. To the point where I don’t feel figuratively alone, I feel fucking…alone.
Here it is.
This journal.
While I love having a readership…while I love having “friends” online…
How dare any of you ever leave me a comment judging me or telling me what I “should do”? How dare I take it so personally when someone like “Dawn” leaves me a comment telling me that my biggest issue with my brother and Mariah getting married is the fact that I’m “jealous”. Who the fuck are you? And how FUCKING pathetic do you have to be to comment on someone’s vulnerable post with something as BASE as “you’re jealous” and “need to find YOUR lifelong partner”. I don’t care who you are or what the fuck you represent…
As a human being, I would NEVER read a post like that and toss off a comment that is so fucking insensitive and rude. And you know what? Maybe that comment isn’t the big deal that it was to me…but maybe that comment is representative of the dozens of comments I get where people tell me that they know me better than I know myself. FUCK YOU. This is my fucking journal and how dare YOU tell ME where to go?
Go away. My sitemeter won’t bleed when you find something more productive to do.
My friends.
My fucking friends.
In no way am I suffering for friends. I’ve got a million of them. Some that I actually like in real life. And some that I would consider very close people that are detrimental to my existence. The reason these people are “detrimental” is because I need them and I trust them. In a city like NEW YORK, you NEED people you can trust. I’ve hand selected them and it SHAKES MY SHIT when I realize that I may have made some poor choices.
You don’t put in the time with me, yet you have no problem telling me that every choice I make is the wrong one. You don’t call me, yet when we finally do talk, you tell me that I’m not only abusing drugs, I’m abusing the people around me. FUCK. YOU.
I’ve spent the last 28 years trying to make people like me. And when I do ANYTHING that ruffles feathers, I spend weeks beating myself up about it. How dare I EVER have an opinion…because I would be mortified if you ever walked away from our conversation with anything, but confidence. Why should I have to WAIT for you to ask me for advice? You don’t when it comes to MY life.
I’m so angry right now.
Obviously.
But mostly, I’m disappointed.
I’m disappointed, because I’ve trusted all of you… ALL of you…with aspects of my life and you have taken the liberty to use it against me.
I know there are those of you out there that feel like you’ve done me right…and you know what? You have.
If you’re reading this and you DOUBT whether or not you have been a good friend to me…well then guess what? This journal entry is for you.
To those that I’ve trusted that have consistently shown me love…to those of you that have looked outside of yourself for even a minute…to those of you that I’ve counted on…
Thank you.
But to the rest of you.
To the world…
Say one more thing. Push me one more time. Prove to me that humanity is full of bullshit…and I swear. I swear to God above…
This Joe CuttheShit that cares SO much about everyone else is finally going to blow. And he’s going to fight back for once. He’s going to make sure that he hurts you as much or more than you’ve hurt him.
I’m tired of being a fucking pushover. You got something to say? Then you fucking say it. And let’s rock.
Or you walk away.
Cuz really…do think you know me enough to push me over this line? Do you?
It’s a risk I encourage you to leave behind.
